An intimate partner carer must learn to communicate appropriately and effectively with their changing partner. A skilled carer may be able to hold their partner in their identity within a valued relationship. But what is happening to the carer's own self? They must change and continually adjust to this new and different relationship - with inevitable grief. Grieving for a changing partner involves grieving for the loss of one's own self - a complex grief. It involves the self and other of a pre-dementia relationship; the changes as dementia progresses; and, when their partner dies, the loss of that relationship and of the new carer-self.