DOD for a couple facing dementia is not what it appears. It’s the Date of Diagnosis when their world and all their expectations change. It explains the shifts they are already experiencing in their relationship, but it does not begin to describe what is coming for them and their relationship. As dementia advances it creates multiple micro losses for both partners. Few outside the couple dynamic is aware of all they are facing and how much it impacts their ability to relate as a couple as caregiving needs increase. Information provided by well-meaning agencies frequently discuss symptom management and what help might be available. Some say particularly unhelpful things about the person with dementia still being who they always were. The reality is the person with dementia is changing, the partner adapts, they both grieve each change, and their losses include much of their intimate relationship. In a survey I conducted not one couple identified being provided help with finding ways to remain intimate by doctors, nurses, hospitals, or hospices, nor was the survivor’s intimacy loss addressed by grief staff. It’s a huge loss among many, and it’s outrageous that we aren’t talking about it. We need to do better.